Have You Ever?

Have you ever had a life changing decision to make, knowing that whichever you choose, change would be inevitable?
Have you ever had so many positive reasons to take that leap, yet been so afraid to do it, knowing how big it is, leaving you unsure?
Have you ever been unsure of something, simply because you know there are so many 'What if', and that one simple leap can change everything?
Have you ever been afraid that the leap could leave you falling to hit the ground?
Have you ever wondered how things led to where you stand now?
Have you ever hoped as you had never hoped before, fighting to believe that there is still hope to reach for?
Have you ever wondered where you stand?
Have you ever regretted choices made, periods in your life?
Have you ever had moments that weren't your greatest, that you hoped would just disappear from history, more importantly, yours?
Have you ever wanted to believe that that leap would lead to all the things you had been fighting to grasp your whole life?
Have you ever wanted someone to forgive you with everything you have?
Have you ever hated, resented yourself for the person you have become at times in your life, fighting the plague of it's existence, that it will never go away?
Have you ever just wanted to become the kind of person you admire, and yet feel like as hard as you try, as much as you want to, you just find yourself on the ground?
Have you ever just wanted to have the kind of confidence you have witnessed, heard about, that brings strong decisions and resolve to be courageous?
Have you ever wanted to be someone else, or go back and change decisions made?
Have you ever felt like you weren't ready for something, there's not enough time, and yet, it's already too late?
Have you ever wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear?
Have you ever looked for answers to questions only to find no resolve?
Have you ever...
Have you ever...
The list goes on, yet, some do not wonder. Some already know. Some can only dream of knowing the answers, or holding onto hope with surety.

Have you ever wondered how 'hope' or 'faith' or 'determination', these single words, can encompass such great impact,  difference between making or breaking?
How can they be so simple yet for some, so difficult to attain a firm grasp?

Morning Love!!

Sluurrp~ahh. Lovely coffee, what did we ever do without it?! One thing is for sure, there were probably a lot less crazy addicts (Coffee addicts) running around bouncing off the walls trying to do things only acrobats should attempt talking so much that they drive all their friends to the border of insanity...like me! That of course includes the contemptible withdrawals that will strike with little warning where much of the same symptoms take place, but lots of antsy irritability, possible screaming combined with curling up into a ball and crying like a little girl (some of which may get away with it...being a girl...not me of course...my onii would say 'SUCK IT UP'...then I would cry more. JUST KIDDING!! aishiteiru onii-san *he doesn't actually read them HAHA!!*). But that wouldn't be any fun (having no weirdos like me around) ne? nene?

Ah coffee, what did we do without it. I will now write a brief poem to demonstrate my love:

Coffee my love

How you shine

When it's cold outside

You share your warmth

When I'm hot

You cool me down

When I'm feeling tired

You wake me up

When I meet you in the morning

You always smile at me

You help me break free

When I'm feeling stuck

Coffee my love

I say I don't need you

But truth of it is

I don't want you to leave

So Coffee my love

Please don't leave

I need you in the morning

What am I to do?

With this bittersweet love?

I'm not an addict!! Just someone that has mad skills!! *Not really*

With that I take my leave (and I'm taking the coffee with me)!

Random Story #1 - Tides of Love

Once there was a little girl, walking along the warm sunny beach. She climbed up on this seemingly tallish rock that invited her to sit upon it. After reaching the top of it, she stood up with her arms stretched out as though she were trying to catch the rays of sunlight. Suddenly, she noticed a little starfish moving ever so slowly across the rock. It was a vibrant color, as though it sang a powerful song without speaking a word. She was a shy girl when it came to people, always afraid to open up, so she decided to become friends. she asked it where it was going, if it had a family, she even named it. Suddenly she realized that she was feeling a little cold. She looked up only to find that the tides had crept in while she wasn't looking, the sun had slipped away. She called for help again and again with no one to hear, who could, the tide was so far in, who could be close enough to hear? She sat there, the starfish having already ventured back into the water, leaving her alone. She tried to curl up as best she could in her little pink sundress. Watching the sun, soon to finish it's set as it seemed to bid her goodbye. The warmth continuing it's departure, the water continuing to rise. As it reached her feet she started to cry, wishing someone would come, but she had lost hope. Then the moss betrayed her and she slipped as though she was no longer welcome and was simply tossed into the ocean. As she struggled to swim, only to continue sinking, she couldn't even feel the difference anymore between her tears and the salty water, as if her tears simply swallowed her up. She couldn't speak, she couldn't cry, she just waited with a deep pit in her stomach. She wanted nothing more than to be safe in her daddy's arms, but knew that was not going to happen. She finally started gasping for air, only to take in water, then she lost her strength and just started to fade. Suddenly, she felt something wrap around her and carry her away with great force. She couldn't see the bottom, she couldn't really see anything anymore. Then, they burst through the water as though they'd finally broken through a wall. She could breathe again! Something she had lost hope of doing again. Then they started moving, she watched the rock slowly drift further and further away. She looked down to see the arm wrapped around her was ever so familiar looking, if she didn't know better, she'd think it was...she tilted her head up to look behind her, it was her father. She had gotten scared and ran away, only to get lost. By the time he'd found her, the tides had already come in, he swam the whole time against the tide to reach her. When they reached the beach, he checked to make sure she was okay, then she had experienced something she thought had lost forever. He tucked his little girl snug in his arms to carry her back home safely.

Mission Accomplished!

So there I was, just a few days ago. No gas, no money, bills past due, surviving on mainly frozen burritoes and veggies from last year, and still no calls for work...BUT I FINISHED MY ROOOM!!! ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆  I completely reorganized and simplified my room. Why you want to see, no I couldn't possibly, it's just my little domain that only maybe five people have ever actually seen and my first time EVER decorating my living space OF COURSE I'LL SHOW YOU. o(^▽^)o Let me take you on a brief tour of my completely awesome (not really) humble home. d(￣V￣)

This is the wall adjacent to the door. Huh? What does that mean? It means that this is the wall your facing when you walk in my room, come on guys! (T ^ T) I put the shelf on the ledge and organized my books. It was a real struggle trying to find a place for my helmet, but this seemed to be the most tolerable place to keep, though I don't really like that it feels like it throws off my book display thing I had going there. It also felt like the helmet should have a separate display area but dealing with limited room, I had to make due. No biggie! I still like it.

This is the rest of the wall to your right as you're standing at the door. The shirt had it's run and I really liked it and it was a memento from San Francisco, so I decided to hang it up on the wall. *sigh* Yes, those are comics, and now the secret is out that I am a bit of a nerd, and yes that's a Lakers hat. What can I say? I was taught the love of B-ball through the Lakers and they're good at what they do. I might as well tell you, although I am not obsessed with them, I enjoy watching B-ball and Football and shooting hoops when I can.  

Now as you look to your right, this is what you will see. Yes, that's a Japanese calendar and yes that's a Minnie Mouse hat...and yes it's amazing that plant has survived 35 years of neglect. 

The picture to the left of this writing is of the wall that the door is on, so the entry wall. As you can see, that is a map of Japan and Korea, and I have placed the cards of friends I met at the International (from Japan & Korea) close to the areas that they live, I still need to get red string to line their cards to their pinpoint locations in Japan and Korea, but that takes money...so I'll get to that later. To the right you can see a glimpse of my closet of which I completely organized ingeniously. Let me show you.

 DENIED!! HAHAHAHA!! (TvT)
Oh, I'm sorry, are you crying? There there, you can't see it but there's nothing really interesting about it anyways. WHAT?! NO I DID NOT JUST SHOVE EVERYTHING IN MY CLOSET!! WHAT?!












There! Now do you believe me?! My favorite hats are in the back, all of my cleaning supplies are in front. As you can see, the other items are sorted and stored. There's a giant tub that I put storage items in underneath the suitcase, and I placed a sturdy board on top of the suitcase to make a sort of shelf. My laundry basket is stored in front of the suitcase. No you can't see that!

As you look to your left again you will see my nicely nestled floor bed behind my couch, along with a nightstand next to it where I store my sheets.

 Now as you look to back to the left wall as you stand with your back to the door, you will see my study desk. (￣▽￣)
I know it looks a little cluttered, but these are a few of my favorite things that are good reminders for me, so anyone with complaints can take it up WITH ME!! *flames rising*( *｀ω´)





Now, as you can see in the picture to the right, my  ever so ancient (but awesome) laptop conveniently tucks away on the keyboard tray when not in use. The three binders to the right are my Theocratic, Pioneer, and Drawings. To the left are Hiragana, Katakana, and Tagalog charts/sheets.

Now my other secret is out. It's, true, I am a bit of an anime/manga nerd too, and yes, that does mean I'm something of an Otaku...everyone's entitled to their moments!!




That's it for the tour. Oh, and by the way, the paper you electronically signed before reading this post was an agreement not to disclose any information revealed to you about me in this post...TO ANYONE *deep voices with flames rising once again*. Thanks for reading my post and have a good day! (⌒▽⌒)/

Animation in The Noggin...

Calling to all readers! Has anyone had one of those animated imagination moments (aka AI moment)?
I can not express how many times one of three things have happened resulting in a outburst of laughter with no seeming reason or explanation to those around me.

1) Something happened that triggered the scene in dramatized animation form in my mind (those it's happened to know what I mean)
Example: Someone comes running down the stairs, slips and falls/slides into the midst of a few people (but apparently okay).

2) Someone said something that I visualized in comedic animated form.
Example: So-and-so: "If I tried hunting bears, I would probably end up getting chased (by the bear) instead."

3) Someone suggested something that was obviously a not-so-good idea and I visualized in my mind an extreme outcome in animated form.
Example: A bunch of boys suggest climbing a steep rock ledge with no safety harness.

Now this would result in one of three outcomes.

1) Me laughing hysterically (or giggling) whilst receiving deranged looks of curiosity as to whether I've just lost it, I've always been this crazy, or there's something they missed. Then trying to explain it only to give up once they've made it clear that they are not on the same crazy page as I am, and really couldn't get there if they tried...ensued with a moment of awkward silence.

2) Me laughing hysterically (or giggling) whilst receiving the same kind of looks as in the previous point. Then walking away without effort to explain because I'm either still on that page and didn't even notice their looks (also possibly partially used to it with them), or I know they're not likely to get it even if I tried to explain it.

3)  Me laughing hysterically (or giggling) whilst receiving the same kind of looks (once again) from most, but one or two laughing or giggling with me because we're on the same page or one close to it. Then moving on.

Number three is the rarest of outcomes, but has happened occasionally. The giggling is more like a laugh that slips out, and this is based on whether I have enough self-control to minimize the laughter to a little more subtle laugh.

I know I'm not alone in this (thus outcome number three), but I'm not sure whether any of my readers can relate. Please feel free to tell me I'm crazy, or let me know that my readers are crazies with me on this one.

Just a passing thought...

Creepers Anyone?

So there I was sitting, moving my fingers to play with the shadow of my hand sitting on the floor. Suddenly, the way I was moving my fingers reminded me of an educational show about animals I watched a long time ago. It actually reminded of a certain point in a particular episode featuring bugs (like the worst or most dangerous bugs, it was a "special" episode).

This part that I remember was actually of a centipede (which is what my fingers reminded me of, the legs of a centipede). They had shown a giant centipede floating through the air in a child's room in the middle of the night (no centipede don't actually float, and yeah I know, what a way to "educate" children by teaching the really little ones falsities that leave them with a morbid fear that prevents them from getting the sleep that they need to hopefully grow into somewhat sensible adults). Although centipedes and millipedes can get rather large, they only become abnormally large in tropic climates for the most part. In colder climates, they seem to be a bit smaller.

Back to the whole point of this post, although it didn't really creep me out (unlike the very thought of someone stabbing me with a really hot French Fry, someone eating all of the chocolate or M&M's out of my trail mix, when tie dyed hippies join the sun (who incidentally wears sunglasses) in a cheery song from the 60's just for you instead of staying in the era (past) where it belongs, or the purple blobs from My Little Pony, oh yeah, and only being able to speak to people with a helium voice which accompanies the no one taking you seriously), it left me wondering if anyone has ever been creeped out by their own shadow... 

Just another random thought...